flavia mencarini

Despite the lack of an open connection between “gender inequality” and women, it has always been considered as a female related issue. Since prehistoric times, men and women have been assigned different functions: men used to leave their tent to go hunting, and women used to stay in their village to look after their small kids. This idea has been considered as a sort of indisputable truth throughout all our history and it was only in the latest nineties that things have started to change. However, have things really changed? Do we really leave in a more open society?

Starting my reflection by the analysis of the idea of strength and trying to understand its connection with gender issues, an idea suddenly came to my mind. I have always considered myself as a STRONG and independent girl: I have traveled alone, I usually come home alone at night, I am not afraid to face new challenges, I do not need to receive recognition from others to feel confident... nevertheless, I am still forced to hear men’s whistles when I cross the street or to explain to a friend of mine why my parents let me travel alone to Brussels, not being this safe for a young woman. These are only two examples of how things have not changed in our daily life: men still need to assert their power by maintaining their control over women or protecting them. Being in a superior position makes men feel STRONG and fulfilled.

From the example above, it can be inferred that this idea of feeling strong is considered as the only key to achieve success in life by both men and women. It is thus clear that this extreme need to be independent is definitely connected to the final idea of feeling strong and indestructible. Nevertheless, as is evidenced by things that I and all other women experience on a daily basis, this strength is only an illusion. The same is true for those men who carry their girlfriends home to feel they have fulfilled their tasks as the perfect men.

Although this starting can make the reader think that this writing is just another feminist analysis, I really want to go beyond this superficial layer and change the perspective. Inspired by an interesting conversation that I had with a friend of mine two weeks ago, I have started thinking that it is too easy for women to say that this sexist society represents an obstacle to their professional realization only. Even though both public and private policies to support female workers are still an on-going process, I would like to go beyond stereotypes and take into account the psychological position of men themselves.

The idea of the strong man that has to work hard to become successful can sometimes be in contrast with some men’s attitude to life. There are still some domestic functions that are considered as “female tasks”, such as picking up children after school and spending time with them. However, besides a vast majority of men like to work hard, there are some men whose maximum ambition is to spend time with their children and that are less interested in achieving success in their workplaces. This sounds weird to us, doesn’t it? Would we have had the same opinion if this has been said by a woman?.... I guess we wouldn’t.

Actually, we are still inclined to consider a man who wants to spend most of his time at home as a loser and a weak person. Isn’t it gender discrimination? Equality and inclusion imply the possibility of showing oneself for what one is. Does the inability of men to be different from the strong man’s ideal represent a failure of our common will to create a non-discriminatory society?

To be honest, when I spoke with the friend of mine I have just mentioned, I told him that I would not consider attractive a man that does not have professional ambitions. Is this thought correct? It is not... it is as superficial as the men’s rude way of showing their appreciation by whistling to girls in the streets.

The current break of any social distinction and all the changes occurring in the society have led to a more overwhelming need to feel part of the society and to try to be in line with its common trend and its high- speed evolution. As a way to adapt to this revolution, being strong, or the illusion of being as such, may become even more demanding for those who differ from the main stereotype. How could we deal with all of this? Even if the answer is quite obvious, a lot has still to be done to eradicate the social stereotype of being strong as a way to fell part of our world! This is the only way to let everyone achieve his or her true strength, far from illusions and misleading.